Adorable Psycho's That Conversation
by Wepdiggy
Summary: Every guy dreads having "that" conversation with his girlfriend. Of course, when your girlfriend is a psychopathic killer, things tend to be even worse.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, or any of the characters. But I personally think my version of said characters is more fun. Just saying, haha. _

_A/N: Okay guys, so I'm going out of town for three days tomorrow, and I didn't want to leave you empty handed. Plus, I wanted to get one more story posted before the New Year, so here it is. This is just something I came up with out of the blue, and spent about twenty minutes writing, heh. Nothing too much, but hopefully it's enjoyable, still. Oh, and in case you missed it (and boy did you ever miss is), the great __**ne71**__ posted his very on "Adorable Psycho" story entitled __**Chuck vs. the Adorable Psycho**__, and it is simply fantastic. How about do yourself a favor, and if you haven't read it yet, go do so today. It's very, very much worth it. Anyway, I hope you like this little bit, and please leave me a review to let me know what you think. Thanks!

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_Yvonne Strahovski  
-and-  
Zachary Levi  
in

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_**Adorable Psycho's That Conversation**

"Well? Would you?" Sarah asked, annoyance growing in her voice. She was sitting on the other end of the couch, legs crossed under her, and at the moment, she was staring holes through Chuck.

"I, uh, well –"

"It's not a hard question Chuck. If I killed him, would you still love me?"

This was the kind of conversation every male dreaded having with his partner late at night in the privacy of their home: the inevitable "would you still love me" talk. Of course, when your girlfriend happened to be a government assassin who had developed a somewhat devil-may-care attitude about the importance of human life, the conversation tended to take on a different tone than it did for most. It was much darker, and more twisted. It was kind of perfect for them.

"Of course I would still love you, it's just –"

"Because," Sarah cut him off again. "Look, Chuck. Since you and I have been mating, I've come to accept your family as my own. It's only natural that I'd feel protective."

"Mating?" Chuck asked.

"Yes, mating. You know, doing it, humping, screwing, fucking, making love…"

"I'm just not sure –"

Sarah continued undeterred, "…hiding the salami, banging, rolling in the hay, sleeping together, making the beast with two backs -- although when I give it the ol' reverse cowgirl, I guess that one doesn't apply."

"Yeah, yeah, I got you the first time, but doesn't 'mating' imply that…"

"What?" Sarah asked.

"That there's reproduction?" Chuck asked with a worried look on his face, his Adam's Apple bobbing as he tried to swallow back his nervousness.

"I don't think so," Sarah replied shrugging. "I think that, although mating can be used to describe reproduction, it can also be used to detail simple coitus. Not that our sessions are ever simple, they're spectacular, but you know what I mean." Sarah seemed to stare off dreamily for a moment before continuing. "And, yes, up until this point we've never had sexual intercourse with the express intent of, well, making babies, but it doesn't change the fact that biologically, that's what our bodies are trying to do," she explained matter-of-factly.

"Uh-huh," Chuck said. "But for future purposes, can we not describe our, um, togetherness, I guess, as mating? That word kind of creeps me out."

"Why?" Sarah asked. Then her brow furrowed as she contemplated Chuck's discomfort. When she came to a conclusion, her face screwed up into a hurt expression and her eyes began to cloud with tears. "You don't want to have children with me one day?" she asked, clearly holding back a sob.

"What?!" Chuck asked in a panic. "No, it's not that. Of course I want to."

"You do?" Sarah asked excitedly. Then she seemed to think for a minute. "You know, Chuck, I'm not getting any younger. Maybe we should," she paused, pulling Chuck close so that she could whisper seductively into his ear, "get started," she finished.

Chuck slid away just a little and took a cleansing breath. "Um, Sarah, that's probably not a good idea. You know, given our circumstance," he explained.

"Why not?" Sarah asked.

Chuck decided that going back to the conversation, the one every boyfriend dreads, would actually be better than continuing baby talk. Hell, Sarah was already seven different kinds of crazy. He didn't need to add baby fever to that list. "So," he said, "as I was saying, I would totally still love you if you killed Devon."

"Oh," Sarah said, brightening a little. "Well, good."

"Yep," Chuck said.

"You do know I would never kill Devon unless I actually found out he was cheating on Ellie, right?" she asked, a little worried.

"Of course, babe," Chuck said. "You almost always have a reason to kill the people you do."

"I always have a reason!" Sarah protested.

"Oh, of course you do," Chuck replied soothingly.

"What? I do!"

Chuck could tell her violent streak was starting to show itself. Not that he felt _he_ was in any immediate danger. In some ways, in fact, Sarah getting violent could be a good thing. Sarah's angry sex was always fantastic. But still, some poor zhlub could come knocking on their door, and Chuck didn't want to be responsible for yet another death when Sarah decided they knocked too hard.

"I believe you, I believe you. So, any other family members of mine you've considered offing?" he asked with a forced smile.

"Weeelll," Sarah drawled. "I would never kill Ellie, I don't think. Although that one time she made you break up with me, I considered it. But for the most part, she's safe."

"Good to know," Chuck replied flatly.

"I would kill your mom if I ever met her, for, you know, leaving you and Ellie. Would you be mad at me for that?"

Chuck thought about it for a moment, then: "Nah, I don't think so. I mean, I've wanted to kill her myself in the past."

"Chuck!" Sarah said harshly. "You know how I feel about you even talking about killing people."

"I know," Chuck said dejectedly, his shoulders slumping. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Sarah said, kissing him sweetly on the cheek. "Just don't make me remind you again."

"Yes ma'am," he answered.

"Now," Sarah said, a big smile starting to form on her face. "If I remember correctly, my weekly total is at one, which I think entitles me to a reward, so…"

"Yeah?" Chuck asked.

"Pants off, Bartowski. I plan on getting paid in full."

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_A/N: Happy New Years everyone! You guys are awesome. Peace. _


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